Early 80’s when I was 6 years old, I had around five extremely vivid and terrifying episodes of ‘ultimate realness of being stuck in a section of eternity‘. An animated fractal dimension of forever travelling into complex, white geometry without getting anywhere.
There was immense, wrathful pressure that was felt in the center of my heart that was focused to a pin-point. That pin-point was the only place where my consciousness existed.
Something seemingly external to me was applying the force with malice and this non-stop telepathic force was conveying to me that I was responsible for ‘everything’ and this was my punishment. The exit from these episodes were instant, leaving me wide awake and wanting to scream. It was however, not possible to scream and seemed pointless as being wide awake felt less real than where I just was.
Apart from those episodes, a 20 second nightmare was a major moment.
I was outside in the bushland next to the house looking up in the night sky with my family. Embedded within the stars and light years from Earth was a circular pattern of around 10 lights that were moving rapidly and uniformly in locked formation. I recall becoming instantly terrified and running while my family stayed still. That dream loosely inspired me a couple of years ago to take long exposure photos of my drone that I added LED’s to.
The memory of those experiences haunted me into my teenage years, where I intensely started exploring lucid dreaming and out-of-body states. I became very good at dream recall and developed techniques for lucid dream stabilization. The out-of-body experiences were far less successful, I counted 13 experiences where I partially ‘left my body’, either via conscious effort or spontaneously. Fear and not knowing what to do next always woke me out of it and the maximum height I perceived to feel outside of myself was around 10 feet upwards for 15 seconds.
My interest in lucid dreaming naturally progressed to reading about psychedelics and I was fortunate enough to live near green pastures where I could find psilocybin mushrooms. I then moved out of home at nineteen and moved to Sydney where I was extremely fortunate to move into a share-house with a well-known psychedelic chemist named ‘Gastro’ who gave me my first Dimethyltryptamine experience. Within 2 minutes of inhaling the vapor of melting crystals, I was face to face with an alien, male presence that was utterly stunning and scary. I felt an utmost importance to stay as awake as possible, fighting off tiredness with the same techniques I learnt from my lucid dreaming training. A full report I posted online in 2002 can be found here.
This is the artwork I made around 2 years later.
I’ve had one other contact experience that was very similar to the DMT-accessed apparition, and it’s the one I find most strange to discuss as it occurred naturally after waking up from sleep.
It was morning and the room I was in was already quite bright with the morning sunrise. As I was waking up and with my eyes fully open, my vision clouded over with sharp, fast moving dull patterns. Visual disturbances that can occur sometimes if you change position too quickly or have low blood pressure. This generally fades within seconds, but in this case, it progressed in complexity and vibrancy.
What came perfectly into focus 3 feet before me put me in a state of stunned awe. I was staring into the eyes of a female presence that had human eyes. We both locked eyes and mirrored each other’s awe. I had tears silently streaming down my face. There was the feeling of pure equal love and knowing. It may have been around 10 seconds before she started to fade away. She was the same colors as the male DMT apparition and had no mouth. The best example I’ve found is by Artist Robert Venosa.
Throughout my life I have attempted to ride the line of complete skeptic and accidental mystic. I have given a talk where I proposed an idea that visions seen on DMT is a side-effect of Hominid’s innate ability to detect snake-skin patterns amongst foliage as a survival strategy, and DMT causes a feedback loop when similar patterns are hallucinated, thus creating strange predatory apparitions. The full presentation can be found here.
Now, back to my childhood. Around the same year as my terrifying episodes, my mother was standing outside our home in Possum Brush, NSW near the washing line and saw a sphere being followed by two jets. She’s been telling our family for decades about what she saw. Here’s her most recent quotes about her sighting.
Sighting lasted a few minutes. Fairly high up in the sky. The ball was solid and shiny. Looked like steel. When the jets got closer that’s when all went quiet and the two jets were stationery. About four seconds later the UFO shot off with the jets chasing it again. Then they were in the distance, ‘out of sight’ range. It was silver in full sunlight. Silver or shiny white”
– Audrey Hill, 2021
Here’s a link to sightings around the same time that’s related to the Williamtown RAAF base, that’s 100 nautical miles from the family home.
I will continue to search up about these sightings. I have recently found an archive of old newspaper clippings and will update this blog if I find anything of interest.
Roger Essig, 27th August 2021.